Sometimes Life Is Just "Blah"...

These past couple weeks have been really rough.  For no real reason in particular just haven't been feeling myself.  Little things set me off and all of the sudden I hate the world and nearly everyone in it.  It's days like that when I really miss home, especially my momma and Delli.  I was ranting to Dell last night and she asked "Is that really what you're upset about?  Is there more?", when Taylor asks that question I yell and get even more upset at him, when she asks...I bawl.  It's not that T doesn't want to help, I think it's more that he thinks I'm trying to find a reason to mad or an excuse to be offended.  Dell understands that sometimes things just rub you the wrong way and it effects you more than it normally would. 
One of the things that have been bothering me is that Taylor and I really want to start a family.  For a long while I wasn't ready to think about that.  At the time, it wasn't an option.  We were newly married and still adjusting to that lifestyle (heck, we still are).  But I'm a firm believer that couples should try and wait at least a year before having kids.  I wasn't ready to learn how to be a mom without first learning how to be a wife.  Well, I'm just now beginning to feel like I'm ready to be a mom.  Mostly that's my age talking, being 25 going on 26 in a few short months doesn't do well for my sanity when it comes to motherhood.  First off, let me say that Taylor and I haven't entirely TRIED having a baby yet either.  However, when talking to Dell last night, I admitted to her that I've been getting the feeling that I won't be able to get pregnant.  I came to grips with that (at least I thought) years ago when I was diagnosed with Polysistic Ovarian Syndrome.  Needless to say, this was just one of a few reasons for my breakdown last night.  (*Note...I know in my heart that Taylor and I will have kids.  I don't doubt that that's what the Lord has in store for us.  It's just a matter of how that I've been having issues with.)
I also keep getting the feeling that all the things that I've ever wanted to do in my life, I'll never be able to do.  T and I never got a honeymoon, we probably never will (at least not anytime in the next few decades).  I will probably never get to do a study at Mt. Vesuvius or even get my PH.D.  I'll never be a rock star (much to my dismay) and I'll never sing on Broadway.  Before you say anything, yes I know I'm throwing a "woe is me" fit.  This is a pity party for lil ol' me and I dragged you along.  But please try to understand, that these are things that I spent my whole life believing will happen, so it's hard at the moment to realize that they won't. 
On the upside, Delli will be here in a little less than two weeks time and I get to see my mommy in three weeks.  And then there will be much rejoicing in my world.
Also, I know that these are things that I have to deal with myself.  I have to come up with new game plans and focus on what will be best for my family.  Life isn't always fair and it doesn't always turn out the way you expected.  I, in my naivety, just assumed that I would be able to do all those great things despite my circumstances. 
On a side note, The Lightening Thief (film adaptation) was WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY different than the book.  Still entertaining though.