These past couple weeks have been really rough. For no real reason in particular just haven't been feeling myself. Little things set me off and all of the sudden I hate the world and nearly everyone in it. It's days like that when I really miss home, especially my momma and Delli. I was ranting to Dell last night and she asked "Is that really what you're upset about? Is there more?", when Taylor asks that question I yell and get even more upset at him, when she asks...I bawl. It's not that T doesn't want to help, I think it's more that he thinks I'm trying to find a reason to mad or an excuse to be offended. Dell understands that sometimes things just rub you the wrong way and it effects you more than it normally would.
One of the things that have been bothering me is that Taylor and I really want to start a family. For a long while I wasn't ready to think about that. At the time, it wasn't an option. We were newly married and still adjusting to that lifestyle (heck, we still are). But I'm a firm believer that couples should try and wait at least a year before having kids. I wasn't ready to learn how to be a mom without first learning how to be a wife. Well, I'm just now beginning to feel like I'm ready to be a mom. Mostly that's my age talking, being 25 going on 26 in a few short months doesn't do well for my sanity when it comes to motherhood. First off, let me say that Taylor and I haven't entirely TRIED having a baby yet either. However, when talking to Dell last night, I admitted to her that I've been getting the feeling that I won't be able to get pregnant. I came to grips with that (at least I thought) years ago when I was diagnosed with Polysistic Ovarian Syndrome. Needless to say, this was just one of a few reasons for my breakdown last night. (*Note...I know in my heart that Taylor and I will have kids. I don't doubt that that's what the Lord has in store for us. It's just a matter of how that I've been having issues with.)
I also keep getting the feeling that all the things that I've ever wanted to do in my life, I'll never be able to do. T and I never got a honeymoon, we probably never will (at least not anytime in the next few decades). I will probably never get to do a study at Mt. Vesuvius or even get my PH.D. I'll never be a rock star (much to my dismay) and I'll never sing on Broadway. Before you say anything, yes I know I'm throwing a "woe is me" fit. This is a pity party for lil ol' me and I dragged you along. But please try to understand, that these are things that I spent my whole life believing will happen, so it's hard at the moment to realize that they won't.
On the upside, Delli will be here in a little less than two weeks time and I get to see my mommy in three weeks. And then there will be much rejoicing in my world.
Also, I know that these are things that I have to deal with myself. I have to come up with new game plans and focus on what will be best for my family. Life isn't always fair and it doesn't always turn out the way you expected. I, in my naivety, just assumed that I would be able to do all those great things despite my circumstances.
On a side note, The Lightening Thief (film adaptation) was WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY different than the book. Still entertaining though.
Showing posts with label Percy Jackson. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Percy Jackson. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010
The Lightening Theif Update and some other ramblings
Ok, so I took some time out of my Hermione/Draco fanfiction reading (and no it's nothing smutty so get your minds out of the gutter) to read Percy Jackson and the Olympians. Now mind you I've been moving and working for six days a week for the past two weeks and am only on chapter twelve but holy hannah I LOVE THIS BOOK! The adventure that this kid gets to go on is just wicked. Anywho, I just wanted to let ya'll know that I'm having fun with it.
As for the new apartment, it's small but I love it! On Tuesday morning, after our first night sleeping there, I just got this feeling like "this is where we should be". So often with newlywed couples they feel like they have to buy this huge house and fill it with all the "cool" stuff that comes with being established as a family. As our most previous bishop pointed out to us, "we don't have to have the lives our parents have right now." Taylors' parents, when they first got married, had a little apartment that cost them $200 a month, a beat up car, and lived off of mac&cheese and ramen for a really long time. Heck, they only had meat maybe once a week, they didn't indulge in very many luxuries. Now they have a GORGEOUS 5 bedroom home, decorated beautifully and are able to provide for their family without many worries about "how are we going to do this?" For the first year of my marriage I deluded myself into thinking that I deserved the same lifestyle as Taylors parents. Again I admit that I deluded myself. I didn't work as hard as they did for what they have NOR do I have the same obligations or responsibilities as they do at the present time. They needed a house that size for their family. Right now, it's just Taylor and I, one bedroom and 500 square feet is plenty of room for us. Not saying that it's wrong to want these things or you're a bad person if you have them, I'm merely just saying that sometimes for ME it was easy to forget what my priorities were. Not only that, we're commanded to live within our means, to provided only what is NEEDED for our families to sustain a COMFORTABLE and healthy life. I used the word comfortable because it can easily get confused as luxurious or convenient. It's just that I know so many newlywed people buy ridiculously high priced vehicles (that would never be useful for a family) and homes that are larger than deemed necessary for just two people. And it sounds like I'm judging. Sorry. I'm mostly writing this to say "Don't get caught up in the hype of all of this. Live modestly now, so that you can enjoy the true 'luxuries' of life later." I want to do SO much with my family when I have one, but if I run myself into debt now, there's no way that that'll happen. I hope that makes sense.
If there's anyone that I offended with this, I'm truly sorry, it wasn't my intention. If you're able to provide providently for your family and afford it, then by all means, that's awesome. My concern is mostly for others that can't afford it yet still try to obtain that lifestyle (like I did).
So yeah...I think I've said enough. I hope to post a video of our new apartment by the end of next week. I love it so much!
Well, until next time.
As for the new apartment, it's small but I love it! On Tuesday morning, after our first night sleeping there, I just got this feeling like "this is where we should be". So often with newlywed couples they feel like they have to buy this huge house and fill it with all the "cool" stuff that comes with being established as a family. As our most previous bishop pointed out to us, "we don't have to have the lives our parents have right now." Taylors' parents, when they first got married, had a little apartment that cost them $200 a month, a beat up car, and lived off of mac&cheese and ramen for a really long time. Heck, they only had meat maybe once a week, they didn't indulge in very many luxuries. Now they have a GORGEOUS 5 bedroom home, decorated beautifully and are able to provide for their family without many worries about "how are we going to do this?" For the first year of my marriage I deluded myself into thinking that I deserved the same lifestyle as Taylors parents. Again I admit that I deluded myself. I didn't work as hard as they did for what they have NOR do I have the same obligations or responsibilities as they do at the present time. They needed a house that size for their family. Right now, it's just Taylor and I, one bedroom and 500 square feet is plenty of room for us. Not saying that it's wrong to want these things or you're a bad person if you have them, I'm merely just saying that sometimes for ME it was easy to forget what my priorities were. Not only that, we're commanded to live within our means, to provided only what is NEEDED for our families to sustain a COMFORTABLE and healthy life. I used the word comfortable because it can easily get confused as luxurious or convenient. It's just that I know so many newlywed people buy ridiculously high priced vehicles (that would never be useful for a family) and homes that are larger than deemed necessary for just two people. And it sounds like I'm judging. Sorry. I'm mostly writing this to say "Don't get caught up in the hype of all of this. Live modestly now, so that you can enjoy the true 'luxuries' of life later." I want to do SO much with my family when I have one, but if I run myself into debt now, there's no way that that'll happen. I hope that makes sense.
If there's anyone that I offended with this, I'm truly sorry, it wasn't my intention. If you're able to provide providently for your family and afford it, then by all means, that's awesome. My concern is mostly for others that can't afford it yet still try to obtain that lifestyle (like I did).
So yeah...I think I've said enough. I hope to post a video of our new apartment by the end of next week. I love it so much!
Well, until next time.
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